Facing pregnancy after the loss of our daughter Sophia has been different. I am now in the middle of my 27th week of pregnancy and am thanking the Lord for every precious moment with our sweet Emily Jane.
I would be lying if I told you that I had no worries, or that every moment was blissful. If I am being truthful, I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control and rest in Him. There have been nights I felt filled with anxiety until I felt a little kick that reminded me that all was well. I am so excited for the day that we will hear our baby girls cry and bring her home to a house of pretty pink things just for her…and yet the “what if it never happens” plagues my heart.
It is easy to tell someone to trust the Lord, and it is even easy to tell ourselves to trust Him…but sometimes in the dark of the night…it is hard to actually trust. I have been constantly reminding myself throughout this pregnancy to rejoice in each moment and to rest in the Savior.
I want to rejoice in each moment, because I am all too aware that the next moment is not a guarantee. So I am striving to be thankful for each kick, my ever growing bump, and even the moments of exhaustion that make me sit down and just soak in this pregnancy.
I also want to rest in the Savior, because fear so easily grabs on to me. It doesn’t take much for me to let my mind wander to all of the things that could go wrong or worry that my story won’t have a happy ending. I have to constantly remind myself that no matter what happens…He is Good…and His plan is best.
For now, I am savoring each moment and trusting the giver of life.