Yesterday I got a message from a friend asking for tips on “having it all together”. Her message was so sweet, and yet in some ways a plea for help, because as a Mom, wife, and for some business owner it is hard to do it all. I never want to give the impression that I have everything together and I especially never want people to think that I think I have it all together. I can assure that I don’t. I spend most days working from my desk in yoga pants with my hair in a messy bun, and not the cute messy bun that you see on Pinterest…a real messy bun. It seems like I always have a pile of laundry and I save my cutest outfits for “important” things or days I think there might be a camera around.
March is almost over and this year has been transformational for me already in so many ways. At the beginning of the year I got serious with myself about the things in my life that needed to change. How I could be a better wife, mother, businesswoman and believer when I was already feeling overwhelmed. It was time to organize, eliminate negativity, love my family more, and make my relationship with God a priority. The steps seemed so simple when written on a piece of paper, they didn’t even really seem like life changing goals, and most of them were probably things that I should have been doing already.
I set out to be more perfect, to be this dream of a wife, mom, entrepreneur and Christian. Instead God changed my heart. The biggest thing on my to do list was to make spending time in Scripture a priority. I grew up in church and went to a Christian college, I had made that decision probably 20 times since I gave my heart to Jesus when I was 12. Yet time after time I would make a promise at summer camp or revival meetings, and then days or weeks later I would fail again. Then I got so busy. So many things on my plate that seemed to demand attention that time in Scripture seemed like one of the first things to go. This time it finally became a habit, a part of my day I can’t imagine not having, and my heart has changed.
In some ways I know it is about discipline, and getting organized to make it a priority, but I also think it is just about getting to know the heart of Jesus. About seeing myself as nothing and Him as everything. About experiencing His amazing grace despite the many times I fail Him. Maybe I rambled a bit much, but all I am trying to say is that I don’t have it figured out and I don’t have it all together, but His grace is so much greater than any circumstance we face and He is begging us to follow Him. To depend on Him for ever day and to trust Him more. Our faith is made stronger when we just step out onto the water and let Him lead us, He is always faithful and will take us so much farther than we ever thought we could go. A few weeks ago I heard this song and it just has been on repeat for the past weeks.
Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior