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11 Months

It has been a few days over 11 months since we said goodbye to our precious daughter Sophia Kate. In so many ways I feel like I can’t even comprehend that it has been that long and that on February 9th it will be one year without her.

The days go by quickly at times, but other days seem to drag on as I am left with the realization that on Earth, our family will never be complete. No matter how many children we have, or how our family grows, we will always be missing one.

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Truthfully, this past month was one of the hardest on this journey. I didn’t fully anticipate how difficult the week leading up to Christmas would be without Sophia here. There were no babies first Christmas outfits, or teeny tiny toys under the tree. The realization that she would likely be taking her first steps around this time, brought sadness. The fact that Stella played with her toys by herself, without her little sister giggling by her side, made our home feel so quiet despite the joy that was present on Christmas morning.

My parents were incredibly thoughtful, and gee us a beautiful gift of a flag that was flown over the Pentagon in Sophia’s honor. There were lots of tears as we opened the gift, but it meant so much to us, that we hung it in our home on Christmas day. It feels so often like people forget…or at least they don’t think about Sophia until we bring it up…and then we are often met with awkward conversations. I think that is one reason that this gift meant so much. It was not just that Sophia was remembered on Christmas day, but also in the months it took to arrange the flying of the flag and the building of the frame.

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This past month my friend Lara Casey released her book Make It Happen. I am so blessed to have watched her journey over the past several years, and it was an incredible honor to read Sophia’s name on the pages of her book. It was another sweet reminder that there are people that remember, and that Sophia’s short life is continuing to have an impact all of these months later.

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Little things have started to remind me that the time is drawing near. My dear friend Sarah brought a bouquet of pink tulips to me while I was in the hospital to deliver Sophia, and it has become a reminder of our precious little girl. We had pink tulips at Sophia’s memorial service, and we have had them in our home many times since last February. I can tell the time of Sophia’s birth is coming close as just in the last few days I have begun to see tulips popping up on social media.

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As hard as the past 11 months have been for our family, I am so grateful to be Sophia’s Mama. She has changed who I am, and reminded me of what is most important in this life. She has pushed me to Jesus more than anything I have ever faced. I am so thankful for a Savior that has seen us through every day, and every month, and who I know will walk with us through every year to come.

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